I am nothing and something.

by ShayBlue

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1.
Smile through the pain
 It's okay
I'm okay
 You don't need to know
 
Tears building up in my brain
 Forehead about to burst
 My eyes hurt. 
I cry.
 The salty seas swell in my mouth
 The tide taunting my tastebuds 
Tensing my muscles 
My shaky hands
 Can't stop the first raindrop
 And so it rains
 Thunder shrieking through the night 
I cry.

Hot water burns my skin 
Distorting my flesh
It stains me.
 Wipe it away
It won't go away
 Body convulsing
 Can't control it
 
I cry. 

I've forgotten words 
I have no use for them
 No language can say
 What I feel
 Only raw sounds
 From deep inside my throat 
Where it tightens and gropes 
In hope, to express what I can't with words 
In hope, that my cries will be heard
I cry.

 I'm no longer human 
A ghost of myself
I can't function through this pain 
It's insane
To think
I could cover it up 
Hide it in my heart 
Until 
Until I start 
I had to 
I cry.
2.
I am naked, naked In the face of the absurd N-No just say the word And I am naked. I am exposed Oh where are my clothes? To protect me from What? I don't know! From the unknown Anonymous I got a letter signed Anonymous Who is anonymous? I don't know. The letter says: "I have your clothes. I know what you don't know. I've faced worse than absurd, in the unknown." Why oh why have my clothes left me here in nothing but my shoes? Strolling, pacing Keep it movin' til It doesn't seem so new.
3.
So we run run run to the end of the world and jump the gun gun gun before the chaos unfurls and while panics at high we take to the sky implicating all but us leaving the world in dust but to this day i look back and i say... chorus: how did we not see this coming it was an unexpected alarm this affected everybody we didn't mean nobody harm i remember our reactions then we put the blame on another friend and now we'll never hear the end the end, the end until we're gone to this day i swear it was accidental but in the back of our minds we remember that rush our adrenaline gave us and wish it had been real and wish we could feel how intensified our reactions would have been if only to this day we look back and we say.... chorus: (followed by some sort of piano solo/breakdown) Chorus 2X (first time normal) (second time with both set of lyrics) at the same time of the chorus: we noticed when we left the scene everyone else turned to me trying to say that i did everything almost as if we tried to be innocent kids with honesty but they still tried to convict me------
4.
My body sinks into the depths of the ocean Shrinking, drying up into a fossil in the fetal position (With the dark deep blue as my blanket) x3 I walk by mirrors in a fun house that magnify my defects (and reflect all the whispered judgments of the crowd) x3 (The whispers, the echoes, the shadows They made me do it) x2 Uncomfortable sitting still in prison with the guard’s piercing eyes accusing me of murder and wishing I’d give in and wilt away Like the rest of my inmates (The whispers, echoes, and shadows They made me do it) x2 I do it because it makes me feel happy As if the whole world is happy because I am. Obey the whispering secrets that promise and Guarantee my bliss and sanity. Guarantee my bliss and sanity.
5.
6.
Goosebumps 02:16
7.
There's a leak in my brain So my mom called the handyman But he couldn't make it stop. There's a fire in my brain So my mom called the fireman But he couldn't put it out. So, Finally my mom called the doctor The doctor said I have a fever and that I've been sick for years and I have one night to live. And, Finally the leak stopped leaking the fire stopped burning and i stopped...breathing... So my mom called the lifeguard but he said, "Heimlich won't work this time. It's too late." It's too late.
8.
9.
10.
Crickets 00:11
11.
Akward. There’s that akward stage It’s all the rage It’s not meant to stay And leave us astray Making strings fray And fading slowy away Akward is here. I promise, humans are near.
12.
Blue Eyes I wish I had blue eyes Blue covers the whole sky Mesmerizing me I don’t know why Hypnotizing me I love you Blue Eyes Blue covers more than dirt Every kid’s favorite color You are my shirt Blue brights, my delight Blue stained the oceans Forever maintained my pool And those blue flowers are so rare to find I want one to be mine My eyes should be green Cause my jealously So hard to defeat Green eyed monster wearing blue jeans I wish I had blue eyes Blue covers the whole sky Mesmerizing me I don’t know why Hypnotizing me I love you Blue Eyes Enticing me I don’t know why Inviting me I love you Blue eyes Blue Eyes
13.
My body sinks into the depths of the ocean Shrinking, drying up into a fossil in the fetal position (With the dark deep blue as my blanket) x3 I walk by mirrors in a fun house that magnify my defects (and reflect all the whispered judgments of the crowd) x3 (The whispers, the echoes, the shadows They made me do it) x2 Uncomfortable sitting still in prison with the guard’s piercing eyes accusing me of murder and wishing I’d give in and wilt away Like the rest of my inmates (The whispers, echoes, and shadows They made me do it) x2 I do it because it makes me feel happy As if the whole world is happy because I am. Obey the whispering secrets that promise and Guarantee my bliss and sanity. Guarantee my bliss and sanity.
14.
He Would I think he would, yeah yeah, yeah yeah I talk to you Trust in you Tell you Ssh I’ll hunt you down Shoot you to the ground, shoot you to the ground I think he would Yeah yeah, yeah yeah I think he would I think he would He would Yeah yeah, yeah yeah I think he would, he should he could, he would “He did it He did it” I’ll hunt you down Shoot you to the ground, shoot you to the ground “No one will hear” a tree fall If no one is around But everyone heard As it fell to the ground I think he would, yeah yeah, yeah yeah (claps) Ooos I’ll hunt you down Shoot you to the ground Shoot you to the ground “No one will hear” me fall If no one is around But everyone heard me fall As I fell to the ground Ooo (I think he) I think he would.
15.
I Can’t See Light A living fear That draws near Everytime you lean Into shadows And I dream Nightmares It’s not fair I can’t see light In the dark Where you are Because I’m scarred My flashlight won’t turn on And I fear that you’ve gone too far And left me all alone in the dark Please, Please, Please don’t go too far Please don’t leave me alone and light my fear In the dark where I know you are
16.
I just wanna tear my eyes out Cuz I don't understand words anymore Not from a girls mouth I don't have a girls mouth I'm not like every girl I just wanna tear my eyes out Cuz I don't understand girls anymore All they want is just They want more, more, more loving from a boy who sees them as nothing but a whore x2 And the girls say Yeah all the girls they say "I am more, more, more than what you think I am. I am more, more, more than just a whore to my man." I just wanna tear my eyes out Cuz I don't understand words anymore Not from a boys mouth I don't have a girls mouth but I'm not a boy and I just wanna tear my eyes out Cuz I don't understand boys anymore All they want is just They want more, more, more loving from a girl who sees them as nothing but a whore x2 And the boys say Yeah all the boys they say "I am more, more, more than you what you think I am. I am more, more, more I will always be her man." Though we all deny it, try to hide it, pretend we understand No one knows the truth cuz our mouths could never move under the sand. Ostrich hides her head at the beach That's me... I don't wanna see! Though we need each other I can tell my mother doesn't believe me... I just wanna tear my eyes out They're not worth the trouble anymore What I can't see can't hurt me I don't want no more, more, lovin from a boy who sees me as nothing but a whore. They don't want no more, more lovin from a boy who sees them as nothing but a whore. They don't want no more, more, lovin from a girl who sees them as nothing but a whore. They don't want no more, more lovin from a girl who sees them as nothing but a whore...
17.
18.
I know I can't have it Twisted tongue leaves my talk tangled Can't come out I'll say it. Say it to your face Wishful waiting Hope is my date Wait is it good is it gold All these desires Build to the fire Left untold Keep me waiting Wishful waiting Wait Clearly I'm a walking corpse This course is ending, unwinding Knots inside my brain Keep me from thinking straight Not worthy of my dreams Clouding my memories I know I don't need it I'll kill the butterflies that once ate my insides Accepting reality has freed my waiting.
19.
20.

about

All of my low-fi high school songs recorded, performed, and written with my friends <333

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released February 7, 2015

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ShayBlue Los Angeles, California

Hi I'm a low-fi memory of the high school Shan you didn't know.

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